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Should a lady propose to a man? That was the topic of a recent radio broadcast I listened to. A greater majority was of the view that it was alright for a lady to propose to a guy. Those who supported it were of the opinion that cultures do change and people should move with the times.

Those on the opposing view brought in cultural and religious reasons for opposition. They felt it was unethical for a female to propose to a man. It was demeaning they opined.

In my opinion, as a Christian, it is always good to follow the Bible for one’s worldview. Truly, cultures shift; people change, but the Word of God remains the same. Some who follow worldly views believe the Bible is archaic, outdated and does not address modern issues. Let us look at a few points here and you are free to make your judgement.

Customs and traditions change. Solomon in Ecclesiastes 1.9. in summary said there was nothing new under the sun. What has been will be again; and what has been done will be done again. In a nutshell, the world goes round in a circle.  Anyone following it will do the same. Take the world of fashion for example. The style keeps evolving – changes are made of the same basic things and everyone goes after it. That is why 1st John 2.15 says “Do not love the world or the things that are in the world….” Why, because you will continue to go round in its style, bound to its systems, becoming a slave to its dictates, chasing shadows. In the end, there is pain, shame, regret, guilt and all negatives. But when you follow laid down godly principles that are time tested, stable, and eternal truths, you can never miss it. The result is joy and gladness,, and fulfillment of destiny.

So what has this to do with a lady proposing to a guy? I believe it is not ‘modern’ or ‘trendy’ to do so. It is alright to discuss the issues of your relationship in order to clarify which way you’re going. But proposing to him is taking it to another level. He may feel pressured into saying   ‘yes’. But when the smoke clears, you may not enjoy the relationship anymore when you discover his heart is not in it. Of course, there are some instances where the lady proposed and all went well. but that is not the norm.

The Word of God says in Proverbs 18.22 that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord. It is the traditional role of the man to find a wife for himself, and not a woman ‘finding’ a husband for herself or attaching herself to him through the proposal. a woman should have a sense of value and honour and not put out herself to look as if she is desperate. Some men could shrink away from a woman who pops the question because they will feel  that she will be a controlling person; or worse still, that he is not in charge as a man. Of course, you cannot rule out the fact that some men will appreciate their woman proposing to them, but we are talking of the norm here.

There could be negative psychological repercussions as the couple continues in marriage relationship. No woman wants to be regarded as ‘cheap’ or ‘desperate’ and her husband uses this against her during an argument. “Well, you came after me. But for me agreeing to marry you, you could have been left on the shelf..” Well..

As for my opinion, I believe it is best that the man who is supposed to be the ‘hunter’, catches the ‘game’……. You can make further search of the Bible.

Pastor Veronica Ogodima Nnogo, an educator and a Guidance Counsellor, holds the B.A Education degree in Guidance and Counselling and a Master in Education in the same discipline from the University of Lagos, Akoka, Lagos, Nigeria.

She went into private practice after her retirement from the Lagos State Government Service. For several years, she anchored a successful live radio counselling programme, “The Counsellor”, on Ray Power 106.5FM, and hosted a live TV counselling programme, “OASIS” on a cable channel, Time TV, Ikeja, Lagos.

She also organizes Seminars/Workshops on the family, which is her passion.

She is the founder of Life Counsels Services, an Organization which was involved in HIV/AIDS prevention activities in Nigeria.

An ordained minister of the Gospel, she has served in various ministry capacities and is currently the associate Pastor with Light Givers Assembly, Lagos, Nigeria.

She was married to Rev. Dr. John O. Nnogo for almost thirty-five years before his home call. They are blessed with grown up children.

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