Articles

INTRODUCTION
Marriage is meant to be blissful but most times the reality is not so. Many couples are usually unprepared to face the challenges of a changed life that marriage brings. People need to know that adjustments must be a necessary part of the relationship. The following areas will be discussed: Definition of Marital Adjustment, why it is necessary, how it can be achieved.
DEFINITION
According to Oxford Advance Learners’ Dictionary to adjust means to become or make somebody or something suited to new conditions; to adopt oneself to something; to alter something by a small amount so that it will fit properly. Therefore marital adjustment involves suitable adaptation of oneself and altering by a small amount your way of doing things. Areas of Adjustment
Adjustment in marriage spans a lifetime. When two people from two different backgrounds come together to share their lives, they must adjust to each other or else the relationship breaks up sooner or later. Adjustment covers every aspect of life At the inception of marriage it touches you socially (the newly acquired family, friend, the neighborhood, the different life style e.t.c.), economically, sexually, psychologically. As you grow in the relationship, you must:
1. Adjust to each other’s needs as changes come into your life change such. Periods of adjustment come as you experience certain crises of life, emptying of your nest, to old age.
Why is adjustment needed?
It is a necessary mechanism to ease compatibility problems. Any couple that refuses to make the necessary adjustment will either live miserably or else break up in no time. Adjustment helps bonding which is a necessary ingredient for intimacy in marriage. How well do you adjust? Who is disadvantaged? This depends on the maturity of the couple concerned to handle the situation, for each family is unique in is needs.
2. For example, any maladjustment in the area of their sexual relationship can be worked out. Their marital boat may be rocked but it will not capsized. If they both believe in commitment to the marriage, they would seek a solution to the crises rather than break up the union.
What causes conflicts that result in maladjustment in marriage?
1. Hidden weaknesses or faults normally begin to appear after marriage. If they are overpowering (e.g. fear, anger, selfishness), they gradually being to kill the friendship.
2. Lack of knowledge. Many are ignorant what it takes to keep the relationship going.
3. Failure to meet each others emotional needs (Husbands feel they have conquered their wives and then move on to other areas of life like sport, his job e.t.c. the woman in her environment expects full attention from him but does not receive it. Thus misunderstandings begin.)
4. Inability to make necessary compromises or sacrifices due to selfish reasons.
5. Refusal to learn or to accept faults due to upbringing.
6. Lack of knowledge about basic differences between women and men.
7. The influence of background life experiences that influence behaviour.
8.Personality differences the weaknesses inherent in each person, especially the weaknesses.
What you need to know 1. During courtship, everyone puts up his or best behaviour, sometimes going the extra mile. After marriage the husband relaxes, having conquered her yet it is at this stage that the women needs her man.
Someone must reach out to fill the gap. Sometimes through crises certain level of adjustment is achieved. For those who cannot, the relationship breaks up.
2. People bring into marriage differences in:
Sexuality Differences between men and women often create problems due to lack of knowledge of what to do, e.g. the emotional communication channels are different. The male is the conqueror, the provider, the rational being while the female is the nester, the home maker. Inherited temperament Plus childhood training, life experiences, mental attitude, spiritual beliefs, health, education, habit e.t.c. in fact all that person is his behaviour. Weaknesses in temperament-the ultimate test in commitment.
MARITAL ADJUSTMENT HOW TO ACHIEVE THIS
There must be a commitment from both parties since it is a decision, it involves your psychological selves that must galvanize into positive action.
It should be through education, for knowledge is power. Know and understand your partner maintaining your relationship becomes easier. Read books on marriage attend marriage seminars.
Be willing to put into practice what you learnt.
Study your partner, find out their likes, dislikes, prejudices, string this and weaknesses. Don’t push or demand in those areas.
Acknowledge your imperfections and accept one another.
Be ready to start again if you fail at any point in time.
Do things together, bonding occurs, which leads to intimacy.
We are designed to love God and to love one another. Deprivations of either function can be devastation.
Allow no third party interference. (family or friends)
Meet each other’s emotional needs.
Pray together & pray for each other.
Learn to forgive, praise, apologise. Be compassionate, kind, gentle, patient and communicate love.