The School of Marriage resumes shortly for only four Saturdays – an advantage for a busy schedule. It is tuition free, but course work materials have to be purchased at a modest price.
Contact – Telephone – +2348023313412, +2348130209238.
Email – info@agapemarriageministry.org
Please see further details on Banner below.
Marriage is divinely ordained and is a perfect gift from God to man. Do you desire to see an end to the cold war between your spouse and you? Do you personally wish to walk before the Lord guiltless in the way you conduct your marital affairs? The salient truths in this book will be the long sought elixir you need. I highly recommend that you read meditatively with the expectation that God who ordained marriage will heal your marriage.
We appreciate everyone that contributed to the success of the programme. God bless you all as we look forward of having you in our subsequent programme.
Thanks
INTRODUCTION
Marriage is meant to be blissful but most times the reality is not so. Many couples are usually unprepared to face the challenges of a changed life that marriage brings. People need to know that adjustments must be a necessary part of the relationship. The following areas will be discussed: Definition of Marital Adjustment, why it is necessary, how it can be achieved.
DEFINITION
According to Oxford Advance Learners’ Dictionary to adjust means to become or make somebody or something suited to new conditions; to adopt oneself to something; to alter something by a small amount so that it will fit properly. Therefore marital adjustment involves suitable adaptation of oneself and altering by a small amount your way of doing things. Areas of Adjustment
Adjustment in marriage spans a lifetime. When two people from two different backgrounds come together to share their lives, they must adjust to each other or else the relationship breaks up sooner or later. Adjustment covers every aspect of life At the inception of marriage it touches you socially (the newly acquired family, friend, the neighborhood, the different life style e.t.c.), economically, sexually, psychologically. As you grow in the relationship, you must:
1. Adjust to each other’s needs as changes come into your life change such. Periods of adjustment come as you experience certain crises of life, emptying of your nest, to old age.
Why is adjustment needed?
It is a necessary mechanism to ease compatibility problems. Any couple that refuses to make the necessary adjustment will either live miserably or else break up in no time. Adjustment helps bonding which is a necessary ingredient for intimacy in marriage. How well do you adjust? Who is disadvantaged? This depends on the maturity of the couple concerned to handle the situation, for each family is unique in is needs.
2. For example, any maladjustment in the area of their sexual relationship can be worked out. Their marital boat may be rocked but it will not capsized. If they both believe in commitment to the marriage, they would seek a solution to the crises rather than break up the union.
What causes conflicts that result in maladjustment in marriage?
1. Hidden weaknesses or faults normally begin to appear after marriage. If they are overpowering (e.g. fear, anger, selfishness), they gradually being to kill the friendship.
2. Lack of knowledge. Many are ignorant what it takes to keep the relationship going.
3. Failure to meet each others emotional needs (Husbands feel they have conquered their wives and then move on to other areas of life like sport, his job e.t.c. the woman in her environment expects full attention from him but does not receive it. Thus misunderstandings begin.)
4. Inability to make necessary compromises or sacrifices due to selfish reasons.
5. Refusal to learn or to accept faults due to upbringing.
6. Lack of knowledge about basic differences between women and men.
7. The influence of background life experiences that influence behaviour.
8.Personality differences the weaknesses inherent in each person, especially the weaknesses.
What you need to know 1. During courtship, everyone puts up his or best behaviour, sometimes going the extra mile. After marriage the husband relaxes, having conquered her yet it is at this stage that the women needs her man.
Someone must reach out to fill the gap. Sometimes through crises certain level of adjustment is achieved. For those who cannot, the relationship breaks up.
2. People bring into marriage differences in:
Sexuality Differences between men and women often create problems due to lack of knowledge of what to do, e.g. the emotional communication channels are different. The male is the conqueror, the provider, the rational being while the female is the nester, the home maker. Inherited temperament Plus childhood training, life experiences, mental attitude, spiritual beliefs, health, education, habit e.t.c. in fact all that person is his behaviour. Weaknesses in temperament-the ultimate test in commitment.
MARITAL ADJUSTMENT HOW TO ACHIEVE THIS
There must be a commitment from both parties since it is a decision, it involves your psychological selves that must galvanize into positive action.
It should be through education, for knowledge is power. Know and understand your partner maintaining your relationship becomes easier. Read books on marriage attend marriage seminars.
Be willing to put into practice what you learnt.
Study your partner, find out their likes, dislikes, prejudices, string this and weaknesses. Don’t push or demand in those areas.
Acknowledge your imperfections and accept one another.
Be ready to start again if you fail at any point in time.
Do things together, bonding occurs, which leads to intimacy.
We are designed to love God and to love one another. Deprivations of either function can be devastation.
Allow no third party interference. (family or friends)
Meet each other’s emotional needs.
Pray together & pray for each other.
Learn to forgive, praise, apologise. Be compassionate, kind, gentle, patient and communicate love.
You need insights that would help you, right principles to follow and healthy practices that will keep you together. Consider these:What was your motive for marriage? Sexual attraction, economic consideration, escapes from family or parental control or readiness for marriage? You need to discover your reason for getting into the relationship in the first place and make necessary changes that will help you have a better foundation.
How intimate are you with your partner? Do you have a strong commitment to each other and to your relationship? How well do you understand yourselves? Are you good friends and can share confidences? According to Dr. Dobson, he said that “intimacy is the mystical bond of friendship, commitment and understanding that almost defies explanation. It occurs when a man and a woman, being separate or distinct individuals are fused into a single unit which the Bible calls “one flesh”Do you accept each other unconditionally? As manure is to plants, so is unconditional love in a marriage. You should be willing to work at building a stable interpersonal relationship that will see you through “the storms of life”There is this saying that the key to healthy marriage is to “keep” your eyes open before the wedding or keeping it half closed after marriage”. Be careful when making the choice of a life partner; persevere, overlook faults and love unconditionally.Avoid premarital sex and remain faithful to your partner. There are benefits spiritual, physical and psychological. Make your home a haven of love and rest. Build up each other especially in areas of weaknesses.Men and women are different. Find out the basic differences, this would help you avoid or reduce friction or conflict. Be forgiving and prayerful for those who have faith in prayer.
Be selfless, self disciplined and self sacrificing.
The Clarion Call For Men by Veronica Ogodima Nnogo
A wake-up call for men to get their families ready for The Rapture.
This book is an apt message for men in times like these. It is a message for the “male-man” to take up his mantle of leadership in his home front and re-order his priority, in order to package and brand his family in readiness for the soon coming King. The Modern Man faces a dilemma today. He consciously and unconsciously tries to prove himself – but by what standards? In this book, there is a re-direction to examine examples of family men who faced similar situations as are being faced today by men and heads of homes. Lot and Noah’s families were used as types and examples of “a prepared” and “unprepared” family, which faced “The Rapture”. One made it; the other failed. No matter how successful a man may be in any endeavour, his greatest task is his success at home. What were the ingredients of success or failure that characterized the two given examples? What can today’s man do? Reading through this book serves as an eye opener for any man who truly loves God and his family. It will cause you to reconsider your priorities, making sure they are aligned to God’s plans and purposes. It will also cause you to re-evaluate your family relationships and responsibilities – for you are the priest, provider, parent and partner!
NOTE: Clarion Call for Men is a Copyrighted material? It is free download. It can be used for teaching or evangelistic purposes but not to be sold. The Author should be acknowledged.
Oh what pain! What shame! What embarrassment! The church is full of guests! Service had proceeded to the point where the ring was needed for joining, only for the couple to discover to every one’s chagrin that ring were left behind at home! Should the service be put on hold? It was impossible to keep the whole congregation waiting while someone dashed home to get the rings. Or should service continue without a token of joining? This was Ade and Adaobi’s dilemma during their wedding ceremony.
The above scenario could have been avoided if there had been organized plan. Failing to plan indeed meant planning to fail. When I observed the stress with which some were organized, and witnessed some embarrassing occurrence too, I was motivated to write these wedding preparation guidelines. The guidelines span from the need for premarital counseling, having a complete tradition statutory and church wedding, to all the basic preparation, the honeymoon and concluding with likely first night shockers. The basic necessities concerning the physical, financial, psychological and spiritual aspects of wedding preparation are discussed here. You can make necessary adjustments to suit your particular situation.
It is important to know the customs and traditions of the people from where to intend to get married, to assist you in fulfilling the necessary obligations. While some cultures place great emphasis on traditional marriage, others do not. In Africa for example, the traditional marriage is highly esteemed. A woman who performs the “white wedding” without fulfilling the traditional aspect is deemed to have sold out herself cheaply before her family and her in-laws. The man is seen as just co-habiting with her because no bride price has been paid.
For this reason; this book discusses briefly the traditional aspect of marriage. For the Christian, the dowry must be paid before proceeding to the ‘white’ wedding or church wedding. Though the focus here is on church wedding, the basic principles laid down will serve as a guide to plan any type of wedding. It is very simple and practical guide which is easy to follow. I pray that you will find this suggestion useful. I wish you all the best as you get ready to start a new family.
This book is not only for those getting ready for their wedding but also for counselors, teachers, pastors, the youth and for all who have an interest in this topic. It also serves as a resource materials.
Going through this book will make you feel like someone walking through a fruit garden. It is cool, shady and full of delightful scents. Just pick any fruit of your choice and relish it. I pray that you will be not only refreshed, be nourished too! God bless you as you use this to prepare yourself or others for entry into the Garden of Eden.
Pastor Veronica Ogodima Nnogo, an educator and a Guidance Counsellor, holds the B.A Education degree in Guidance and Counselling and a Master in Education in the same discipline from the University of Lagos, Akoka, Lagos, Nigeria.
She went into private practice after her retirement from the Lagos State Government Service. For several years, she anchored a successful live radio counselling programme, “The Counsellor”, on Ray Power 106.5FM, and hosted a live TV counselling programme, “OASIS” on a cable channel, Time TV, Ikeja, Lagos.
She also organizes Seminars/Workshops on the family, which is her passion.
She is the founder of Life Counsels Services, an Organization which was involved in HIV/AIDS prevention activities in Nigeria.
An ordained minister of the Gospel, she has served in various ministry capacities and is currently the associate Pastor with Light Givers Assembly, Lagos, Nigeria.
She was married to Rev. Dr. John O. Nnogo for almost thirty-five years before his home call. They are blessed with grown up children.
Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start writing!
